This was also posted on a homeschooling e-group of mine:
How the salaf raised their children- Notes from a lesson by Abu Khadija Abdul Wahid
At age of 0-7- you play with them. You teach them Islam but make the learning easy and dont be harsh with them.
7-14- this is the age where you discipline and tell them to memorise Qur'an and ahadith. They know how to honor and respect and sit in a dars.
14-21- the parent should be his childrens companion and you make
consultation with them over issues, you ask their opinion. The parent can leave his children at home by himself if the parent has to go out because his old enough now.
Signs of adulthood are 3:
Hair growing on private parts.
Wet dreams so they could have sexual intercourse.
Menses (for women).
Age of 15.
Whichever 1 of these come, then they are adults.
Abu bakr sijistanee compiled his first book at 11 regarding the biography of a great imaam and his father was pleased with that.
Now children are too busy with games.
We should tell our children to read biographies of the salaf and then write about it and ask why he wrote those points especially. The more the children read these books, they will become more encouraged by them and the salaf will become their role models. Also ask the children the names of the imaams of the salaf.
When Abu Dawud was 8 yrs old, he witnessed the funeral of imaam isaac ibn rahawai who died in the second century after hijrah. But now people dont take their children to the janazah.
If the youth go off the rails its because of bad companionship or weak parenting or both.
Imaam Ahmed would read the musnad of his, which had the collection of 40,000 ahadith to his children for 12 years.
Tell your children to study the deen first and then they can do their homework afterwards because the deen is the priority. Read and memorise the deen every day.
We should attach our hearts to the ulama and we should see them and take our children to see them, before they pass away.
Make your children tulaab and take them to the masjid and keep them from bad company. When they go the masjid, tell them to always take their notepads even if theres no dars on, just in case they hear a benefit. You shouldnt just leave them on the streets or schools, rather you give them tarbiyyah of the sunnah and the staying away from bidah. You shouldnt always keep them inside the home.
Teach the child to not speak until he is permitted to speak.
Teach the child not be roudy around you.
If parents are telling the child off, you should teach the child to not look into ur eyes, rather look down.
The child should sit with his parents like a student sits with a shaykh, mathalan you dont raise your feet infront of a shaykh.
The father teaches his children to serve the guests.
Teach your child to seek permission to leave the room. Also when your out, you teach your child to let you through the door first.
Teach the children that they should treat with respect his parents friends.
Some parents tell their children not to call them mum or dad but by their names, this is not correct.
Sometimes children at 8 are screaming and shouting at home, like babies. This is not correct.
Make your children close to you, not distant and put a desire of ilm in them.
End of dars.
Below is a bit of extra info by Abu Talha Dawud Burbank: [(rahimuhullah)]
Imaam adh-Dhahabee -rahimahullaah- mentioned in 'Siyar A`laamin-Nubalaa.' (10/233), in his biography ofaboo Mushir `Abdul-A`laa ibn Mushir ad-Dimashqee:
" Ibn Zanjawayh said: I heard Aboo Mushir say:
"Strictness with a child at an early age will bring about increase in his intellect in later life."
[ adh-Dhahabee said about Aboo Mushir in his biography in 'al-Kaashif':
The Imaam, Aboo Mushir al-Ghassaanee, the Shaikh of Shaam.(He narrated) from Sa`eed ibn `Abdil-`Azeez, and (Imaam) Maalik; and from him (narrated):Ibn Ma`een, Aboo Haatim, and`Abdur-Rahmaan ibn ar-Ruwaas. He was from the finest of the scholars, and from the most eloquent and correct in speech, and one of those who memorized most. He was threatened with the sword to force him to say that the Qur.aan was created, but he refused, so he was imprisoned. He died in Rajab, in the year 218 (H)."]
* Ibnul-Jawzee -rahimahullaah- reported in 'Dhammul-Hawaa' (p.116) that Ibraaheem ibn Ishaaq al-Harbee (d.285 H) said:
"Keep your children away from evil companions, before it happens that you have immersed them in, and dyed them with affliction",
and he said:
"The beginning of the corruption of children comes about from one another."
[Reference: Dr.Sulaymaan ibn Ibraaheem al-`Aayid's introduction to 'Ghareebul-Hadeeth' of Ibraaheem al-Harbee.